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21 November 2004 @ 07:53 pm
20 November 2004 @ 12:56 pm
The Scary Truth About Your Friends (eddie izzard style) by Mellifera
Wants a "cup of coffee"rui_hitoshi
Hides their makeup in a treetwofourthree
Vegetarian painterbonjovimello
Was on the moon with Stevemizukaze
Poked a badger with a spoonkizuato49
Puts babies on spikesgoorocker23
Can run about in heels and not fall overe_squared23
Under house arresttenbun
Carries a brick in their handbagkitty6_16
Never played Risk as a kidyukipon
Ich bin ein Berlinnerladyjaida
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I can see some of these being true, but others, like Tracy and makeup, are just funny. :)
Current Mood: awakeawake finally
13 September 2004 @ 11:50 pm
I went home this weekend to see the band. I went to the football game and got to see a lot of people. Ellen gave me a two minute hug and says that she misses everyone as does Chris. Seeing Craig, Kristin, Patty, Ben and other people made me miss Cholak, Erdman, and Tracy a lot. I kept finding little reminders of people around my room and in my car. It made me sad. I missed my puppy so I was very happy to recieve kisses from him. I miss him again already.

Seeing all the bands on Saturday was fun. I loved Mcdowell with their creativity and Pirates music. I was shouting "Go Jack Sparrow!" and "Johnny Depp is hot!" for fun. It was great and then afterwards I went to Ben's for awhile to hang out with people. It was nice.

Any other time at home I spent doing the crap load of homework I had.

So, choir on Thursday was awesome. Tim, the director, gave us all music and asked us to sight read and so we did and people actually knew what they were doing. It was really awesome and I'm so thankful he put me on soprano one. But there's only one other person singing with me and I feel like I'm singing really bad. I hope I'm not.

I went to a bible study tonight. I got Bryan to go with me so it was nice. They made me talk about my faith and it was awkward, but I got through it. I think I'll keep going and I hope that it really gives me the help I need.

Well, I should probably get back to my anthro reading. There's this little section on AIDS in the Sex and Marriage chapter and it keeps refering to AIDS as though it's a gay disease and it makes me so mad!!! It's not and it pissed me off so much that I actually wrote in my text book! I just put a little grrr... next to a couple things - very Erdman like. :)
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: my pen constantly breaking as I attempt to write a letter
09 September 2004 @ 03:44 pm
Japanese recitation was nice today. Kikuchi-sensei always brings to mind the word kawaii, which means cute. His mannerisms are very cute and he makes class entertaining, but he doesn't correct pronounciation very well. Lecture was nice too, but again we didn't seem to get any where. What we need to cover is the grammer and we haven't discussed it at all and it's getting me a little confused. I had lunch with Katie today and then we headed over to the Cathedral to study since everything is still soaked. You GM people suck having school canceled because of flooding. Worked on my essay a bit and then went to my anthro recitation which is kind of a joke. We still didn't seem to cover anything and we rarely go over much in lecture. I feel like that class has taught me nothing, but oh well. Next week we get to read chapter 8, sex and marriage. I've already read it, lol. It was highly interesting and had some different views on things like homosexuality and incest. So since we have to write response essays at some point I'm gonna write mine on this chapter because it's very interesting to me.

I'm going to choir practice tonight! YAY! Happy me! Okay, lol. I'm happy to be getting out of the dorm even if it means taking city buses by myself at night. There was also a Campus Crusade meeting I wanted to go to tonight, but I don't think I'll be able to make it because of choir. Oh well, I hope I can make it next week. I also wanted to check out the groups called Cross Seekers and Cornerstone 220.

Well, gotta get some homework done.
Current Mood: excitedexcited
Current Music: Shane Barnard and Shane Everett - The Answer
08 September 2004 @ 05:08 pm
Well, I guess complaining can get you something. I was complaining of the heat yesterday and today it was cold and very very wet. Walking around a wet campus is not very much fun. I was soaked all day despite the fact that I have an umbrella. So I got no afternoon nap which I could have really used. I didn't get to sleep last night until about 2:30, but at least I wasn't evactuated from my dorm like the towers and the rest of the quad. That would not have been fun. Some people didn't back the their rooms until four or five in the morning.

Kris was over at the towers most of the night and she had to evacuate with the rest of them. She didn't get home till about 2:30, just as I was falling asleep. So I spent the night alone in my room, bored and rather hyper. Very different than the night before. And then Tracy called at almost one the morning and I rambled on for a bit about stupid stuff that I hope entertained her. It was good to hear her voice.

Classes today were interesting. Only about half the class showed up for recitation and we were all quite dead brain. :) My other classes were long. I found I really just cannot stand my anthro prof. It's like a problem I had with Mr. Yates around broadway dinner time. He would constantly say "what have you" and I wanted to throw things at him. Well, she constantly, like every other sentence, says "ummmkay" in this high pitch voice and it drives me nuts. I can't explain it, but I just can't stand it. Not to mention that she continues to use at least 15 minutes of our time in class to repeat her classroom rules. I would much rather be going over the material. But that's just me.

Okay, so last night, my neighbors thought that it would be fun to blast music and sing really loud until two. That wasn't pleasant. I gave them the finger from my room because I would never go over and ask them to turn it down. Well, I'm off to dinner with Kimm and Katie. Which means getting wet all over again.
Current Mood: wet, very wet
Current Music: Shane Barnard - The Waiting Room
07 September 2004 @ 10:42 pm
Wow, my japanese recitation was nice. I actually understood everything that was said. The wonders of actually studying, ne? It made it much more fun, but also more torturous watching the others struggle. At least I now know how to ask the sensei to repeat something. Yeah for Mills-sensei sharing that gem of a secret today in lecture. I found that I need to learn how to take more organized notes for that class. They are a mess right now.

After recitation I met up with Katie who wanted to walk down to Student Health to have her foot checked out. She stubbed her toe really bad and was worried it was broken. So we walked all the way around lower campus searching for the building and couldn't find it so we headed to the Union for a map. We passed it. So I parted ways with her to get back up to middle campus for my Japanese lecture. Which was fun. I made friends with the chinese guy Bryan and another guy I think named Neal. Not sure, I'm having trouble remembering names. Well, anyway, I had lunch with Neal, the first stranger that I have eaten with. See, aren't you all proud of me?

I spent the rest of the day either in class, reading the Ragamuffin Gospel, doing laundry, or doing homework. Yippie. Anyway, a much better day than yesterday. And thank you for the "purse" comment Tracy; it made my day when I got home.
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: Staind - Ephiphany
06 September 2004 @ 11:52 pm
Ahh, there's at least one thing I can always rely on. No matter what mood I'm in, Rent can always make it better.
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Current Music: Rent - I'll Cover You Reprise
06 September 2004 @ 09:17 pm
Went down to the Waterfront with Katie today for some shopping. Got myself a new phone so when people call me for an hour I don't have to stand there and hold the cord. I'm excited, so call me.

Other than that my day wasn't very exciting. In fact, I'm in a rather foul mood. I just can't seem to let go of anything.
Current Mood: down
Current Music: Shane Barnard - The Waiting Room
05 September 2004 @ 06:40 pm
Well, I went to church today. First I was late catching the bus because it came every half an hour, not every fifteen minutes as I was told. So I got off at Aiken like I was told, knowing that I had to walk one block to get to the church. But the question was, in which direction do I walk? Well, I picked the opposite direction and walked about two blocks and then turned around. Then some guy driving by pulled over and asked me where a road was, so I told him I was lost and couldn't help him. Then he tired to offer me some job. I didn't even ask what it was; I was so scared. I just wanted to get away. But at least his directions to the church were right. So I was about 20 minutes late, but it wasn't that bad.

Upon walking into the service one thing stood out to me. This was all very traditional. Not at all what I grew to like at EUMC. So I think I'll be checking out some other places. I heard there's a Presbytrian church by the Towers which is very contemporary. But the pastor did say some good things. Most of which struck something in me. One of the questions he asked was, can we be Christians without proclaiming it to those around you? It's a very good question. It would be hard to call yourself something without being able to openly admit it to people. But that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I have trouble being open about my faith with others. In fact I've only ever discussed it with two people; one being Erdman because we have so much in common and the other being Tracy because she always is able to help and say things in a way that makes me want to believe them. She makes things easier to understand for me. I guess you could count Chris in there too because I wrote him a letter for Footsteps. Other than that I don't want to be open. But I have to be.

The pastor used this great analogy of a sponge. He said that some people are not great sponages; they absorb everything around them, but forget about their other duty, which is to clean. And that applies to me. But that's because I'm just not ready to reach out to people and share my faith. I have a hard enough time deciding what I believe in. I don't know how I would explain it to someone else.

After the service I met some of the other students that were checking the place out and I started talking to a girl named Suzie that also goes to Pitt. She seems really nice and we talked while we waited a half an hour for the bus back to Oakland. And while we were standing there on the corner at the bus stop, several cars went by and honked or shouted things at us. It was scary. So Suzie told me about a friend that she runs with sometimes and when people honk at them, her friend turns and waves and smiles at them. It made me smile because it reminded me of something Cholak would do.

After getting back from church I did some cleaning and attempted to do some laundry but I wasn't going to wait for a washer to open up. So I went down to the gym and worked out for awhile. I even wore a sports bra. Aren't you all proud? Then I got some dinner and came back and watched Never Been Kissed. I love that movie. It made me cry like it always does.
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Shane Barnard - His Love Endures Forever <--- I love his voice!
05 September 2004 @ 12:59 am
As soon as Remus stopped trying to ascribe a name to this thing that lingered, ticking away time with an a-rhythmic beat, between his and Sirius's hearts, things became much less complicated, relations much more relaxed. It wasn't a matter of categorizing anything, Remus realized finally, after thinking otherwise for too long. It was just sitting back, feeling comfortable with Sirius's presence, and waiting for things to happen. Once he gave up trying to control it, it would play out well enough on his own.
In the first few mornings Remus finished reading Sirius The Count of Monte Cristo as Sirius rested himself against Remus's lap in breathless anticipation. They moved on to Hamlet, which had Sirius tensed and anxious in his seat, and Remus couldn't help but equate Sirius to the prince of the tragedy. Rash and impulsive, in that respect - for Remus had never seen Hamlet as hesitant, but rather as plowing head first into things before he paused to even think. Definitely, Remus decided finally, like Sirius Black.
During the long days they wandered outside with the sunshine cast down upon them, warm and friendly, inclusive in the revelations of soft secrets.
Sometimes, they held hands.
Their fingers interlaced, they would walk along the cobblestone, broken here and there, with Sirius's feet scuffing scones in front of them. Etienne let them go out whenever they wanted and left them to their own means. Remus's eyes had changed radically since Etienne had seen them on the platform, waiting for the train. He let Sirius do what he could, and stayed wistfully away from his son and his son's friend for the duration of Sirius's visit.
They would talk of everything or of nothing at all, of James and Lilly, of classes and teachers, of Hogwarts, or perhaps not even of school at all. They would talk about the future as they saw it, or didn't see it. They rarely ever talked about the past. As the young tend to do, they kept their eyes focused forward on an almost palpable image of what would be, what they would be, waiting with aching impatience for time to pass so they could finally be it. The specific details were blurry for the both of them, but as Sirius knew without a doubt Remus would be there, Remus assumed that Sirius would be a constant in his life whose presence he could depend upon.
There were times also that they did not need to speak at all, when they held each other's hands tightly and watched their interlaced fingers unchanging between their thighs. Their footsteps became the rhythm which dictated their breaths and their words, or their lack of words. They learned to easily judge each other's moods and thoughts by watching the way shadows fell over their cheeks, or the way they kept their faces angled - towards or away. It was in this way that Remus learned how Sirius walked, with a loping, canine grace to his limbs, a proud angle to his back that did not suggest dignity but rather confidence. It was in these moments that Sirius found how much he could read in the movements of Remus's eyelids, how much he could feel in the lines and curves of his lips, how much he could understand through the temperature and movements of his graceful hands.
It was in these moments that Sirius began to feel strong and invincible, and Remus began to drink in such feelings into himself and thrive upon them. People did not have roots, flowers did, but what served as Remus and Sirius's roots began to wind together, twining into knots that would be close to impossible to break. What Remus felt, Sirius felt almost as acutely, and the same went for the two in the other direction.
When they didn't hold hands it felt as if they were, those roots clasped like their fingers. They only needed to be close. Separating them would be like uprooting them from these comfortable routines they had fallen into.
In the nights they watched movies, had ice cream, at fish and chips and reveled in the grease of it, the youth of it. On the couch in the sparsely furnished living Remus allowed himself to curl up against Sirius's side, in the circle of his arm, and they fell asleep that way many nights before the movies even ended. They learned the way their bodies fit together most comfortably, that way, with Remus's head on Sirius's shoulder or Sirius's cheek resting on Remus's thigh, one of Sirius's arms snaked around Remus's waist or Remus's fingers tangling in Sirius's hair.

From Cœur de Loupe by Lady Jaida
Current Mood: pensivepensive
04 September 2004 @ 10:57 pm
Yesterday Bryan came up to my room and we sat together and watched Back to the Future. We also talked for a bit. It was nice. Then today I went shopping in Shadyside with Katie. We went out to lunch together at a sushi place. I ordered some chicken, rice, and some other sushi stuff. It was an adventure for me. I hated eating something and not knowing what was in it so I gave my sushi over to Katie, but the rest was good. Then she took me down to a Japanese food store. It was really cool in there. I had a lot of fun. Then we came back to my room and watched Princess Bride which really cheered my up. Then Bryan dragged me out of my room to work out for a bit. I walked briskly for about 30 minutes on a treadmill.

Today Erd asked me to send her Cœur de Loupe to read and now instead of working on my homework and such I'm sitting here reading that. ::sigh:: It's such a wonderfully written story.
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Hoobastank - Disappear
03 September 2004 @ 06:41 pm
I'm posting some pictures of my room so you can all get a good idea of where I'm spending the next several months of my life.

Overview of my half of the room

Overview taken the next day

The fabulous view out of my window

My desk and computer, the love of my life

My dresser and a little special poster

The sink Kris and I share

My closet

My tv and stand before I broke it :D

Our appliances

Kris's Bed...just wait till you see mine

Check out that mess!

My Gallery

My updated gallery, my favorite part of my room

Isn't my room awesome? Now you can picture me at my desk all day. My roommate walked in the other day and said, "How do you survive? I always see you sitting in front of your computer. I never see you sleep or eat or anything normal. What do you do all day?" lol
Current Mood: crazycrazy
Current Music: Sense Field - Here Right Here
03 September 2004 @ 07:51 am
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

I love this song.
Current Mood: waking up
Current Music: Christian Music - God of Wonders
01 September 2004 @ 11:28 pm
Last night I did a lot of thinking about past friendship and how they have sucked. Which in turn has lead to my fear of abandonment by my friends. Which might help explain why I'm holding on so tightly to some of my friends; I don't want to lose them. All those thoughts sent my into a night hour of crying time, but it helped to relieve some stress.

Today's classes were fun. My japanese recitation was a little intimidating to say the least, but I think I did okay. I hope so anyway. But if I want to do well tomorrow I should really think about studying. lol

My computer is now thankfully online and I'm good to download. YAY!

I got a call from Tracy today; it was one of the highlights of my day. We talked for a good hour about nothing really, but it was still nice to hear her voice. It cheered me up. And then just as I was leaving to go to dinner with Jon Kern and I checked my mail and saw I got a package from Tracy. So I brought it up to my room and opened it even though I was late. It was some phone cards to call her with and some soup to eat and a letter. I skimmed the letter and cried and then ran to met Jon. Thanks so much Tracy! I loved it.

After Jon and I had dinner we went to this Christian group thing and played some games. It was a lot of fun and the people seemed really nice. So that was good. And now I'm back, in my room and online, yippie!
Current Mood: lovedloved
Current Music: Japanese Conversations
31 August 2004 @ 08:37 pm
Okay, so I went to japanese class. It sounds like it's going to be a really fun class with a lot, and I mean a LOT, of work. But it might be worth it. So anyways. Guess who's in my class? Yep, Marin. That was a surprise. She followed me out and down to the bookstore so I could return my wrong books and buy a cd for the class. Which took like an hour and I have to go back later for one of the books and the cd, yippie. And I kind of need that cd for recitations. So I'm screwed. Majorly. Then I accidentaly [I swear!] lost her in the store and went out and sat in the Cathedral lawn to do some reading and because of the long wait at the book store, I skipped lunch. Then I went to Freshman Studies where we played Mafia! which was fun. Thankfully I was only a simple townsperson and not the clergy who was killed last time. Then I went back to the dorm to study and get some dinner on my own. Found out the ResNet is coming tomorrow to fix my computer, yay! So that made my day better. And then I got a call from Erdman and she actually got to talk to me which was awesome. We chatted a bit about some interesting posters around our campuses and then she had to go.

So the call from Em really brightened my horrible day. For awhile it was just going very down hill, but I'm okay now.
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
Current Music: Germino - Nude earlier in my room - I love that song!
31 August 2004 @ 09:38 am
Okay, so I was in the computer lab until midnight last night. It was nice to be able to sit comfortably and talk to people, especially Erdman. Once I was done I went upstairs to my room to find our bathmates all taking showers, blasting music, and singing. This carried on till about one or so in the morning. Then I spent half the night crying and then other half waking up every hour or so. It was lots of fun.

Well, I've only got two classes today, Japanese and Freshman Studies. They should go okay except that I think the store gave me the wrong books for Japanese. They certainly don't start on chapter one.

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. While there are still many conclusions I am waiting for, I have come to one; I think I have become way to dependent on my friends. I've realized this as I sit here and hold conversations with them on aim while they are away or how often I e-mail them all. So I'm sorry for that, and hopefully I'll adjust soon and find some friends down here.
Current Mood: determined not to cry
Current Music: the clicking of the keyboard as I type
30 August 2004 @ 03:40 pm
So, classes started today. It was fun and a nice distraction. My japanese recitation was fun. Nothing happened so I had time to sit and read the Ragamuffin Gospel. It scared me that the guy across from me was writing a letter of some sort in kanji and katakana. I hope my class isn't that advanced. Or I will be in big trouble.

In Intro to Psych I sat with Jon Kern. It was nice to sit with someone I already knew. It made the class more enjoyable as did the Prof who seems to be really cool with a great sense of humor. Next was Intro to Cultural Anthro which was okay. The I spent about an hour chilling in the library and then got lunch by myself and then headed over to English Comp. I had to write an essay and I couldn't really figure out what the Prof wanted as a main idea so I think it really sucks. And the whole class sounds like it's going to be stressful, very stressful. Seeing as I already have to read like 50 pages of something. Oh well. At least my classes are done for the day and I only have like one tomorrow. Yay for me.

Okay, suddenly feeling extremely cynical so I think I'll end this before I say too much.
Current Mood: cynicalcynical
Current Music: none, because I'm still not on my own computer
29 August 2004 @ 08:32 pm
Spent yesterday evening with Kimm, Katie, Bryan, and Lizza. We had dinner together and then went to rent a movie that we never rented and went back to Kimm's room. Lizza left and then Katie left and then Bryan, Kimm, and I went down to the Union for some more orientation activities. Afterwards I went home and read some stuff out of my Bible that frustrated me and gave me too much to think about.

I spent today at the activities fair where I joined a bunch of clubs and even the rowing team. Not sure yet if I will follow up on that but it sounds fun. I got information from a ton of worship groups so now I will attempt to find a place to worship where I can feel comfortable. Maybe I will see if Jon Kern will be going to any of them. Then I bumped into a table where people from a local United Methodist Church were and they invited me to attend next week and even invited me to join the choir so I am really excited. The one girl even gave me tips on catching the bus up there. So I am really happy about that. My goal this year is to really build on my faith. I hope I keep it up.

I missed a call from Erd today and was really mad. I really want to talk to her, but my phone sucks. It gave a half ring and that was it.

Went to the Union for dinner with my roommie and another guy in Sutherland. I didn't eat anything because there was nothing that I could chew. My roommate is already telling me I have to eat. But don't worry, I am eating. I'm just having trouble finding things I can eat right now.

I'm still really missing everyone. I can't believe how much I miss some people. It hasn't even been a week and I really really miss Tracy, Em and Em.
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: The Boom - Yuuzai
28 August 2004 @ 12:21 pm
Wednesday involved a lot of goodbyes. Goodbyes to some people most likely and 'see you laters' to others. Before worship I met Cholak at the coffeehouse and we just sat and talked. Most of what we said wasn't very important, but it was nice to just be able to sit there with her in a comfortable silence. I let her know how much I would miss her and then we went to worship.

Worship was wonderful as always. More talks of love and loving yourself. It was nice to get to see everyone one last time before I left. After Jeff finally kicked us out of the church, Tracy and I went down to the lake for our last chat session for awhile. It was nice, really nice. I can't describe it, but I just know that I will miss times like this with you Tracy. Even though you frustrate me when you ask what's on my mind every 30 seconds. I didn't want to leave and she finally had to halfway force me to go. I didn't really start to cry until I got into the car and had to drive home. And it really didn't hit me until yesterday.

All summer I have spent at least 2 hours with either Em, Em, or Tracy and I can't do that anymore. Not only that, but I can't freely get on the internet right now to chat with them. I'm feeling a little lost and lonely because of that.

But I am having fun. The first night here was kind of blah. I had only gotten about three hours of sleep so I wasn't up to doing much. Kris and I just kind of sat in the room and talked for awhile. Then I wrote in my journal and read for a bit and went to bed. Friday started out with an advisory meeting at nine. That was interesting to find. It didn't last long and afterwards I headed off with an interesting girl I met that loves broadway musicals to go to a practice lecture. I went to one on religious studies and found it to be extremely interesting. The professor discussed a lot of history of Christianity as well as the controversy surrounding The Da Vinci Code and Holy Blood, Holy Grail. Which of course is the possible marriage status of Jesus. The lecture ran more than an hour over and ended up being about 2 hours long, but I was entertained the whole time and it helped get my mind off of things.

After that Kris and I went down to the Union for lunch and I met up with Bryan there. It was so nice to see a familiar face. We sat there for about an hour and talked. Lizza, Jess, and Audrey walked by as we sat there and I said hi to them. Seeing Jess and Audrey just reminded me how much I missed my friends. After lunch I went up to see Bryan's dorm and then he hiked up the hill to see mine.

And when I say hill, I mean and very steep incline all the way from the Union to my dorm. It's really hard on the legs and butt. Just wait till you guys see me again, I'll look great! But right now I'm in pain. I walked up that thing at least three times yesterday and my legs are now in protest.

After than Kris and I got a quick dinner and then headed off to go shopping down at the waterfront. It was nice and I found myself a bookstore with lots of things I wanted to buy but didn't. Aren't you proud Tracy? On the bus ride home I just wanted to break down and cry, but I waited until I got back to my dorm and was alone for a bit. I got a hug from my roommie though. That was nice, but not as comforting as one from a close friend would have been.

After a bit of silent time, we walked back down to the Union for a multi-cultural event. It ended up being kind of scary, so I went downstairs and sat uncomfortably at an e-mail kiosk in attempts to talk to Tracy and Erd. These attempts were happily successful so my roommate went off to wander. I spent an hour talking with them and then decided to go find Kris. But I could find her anywhere. I finally gave up an hour later and walked back to the dorm on my own. My legs almost didn't make it up Cardiac Hill again.

Besides the fact that I miss everyone, I am doing great. I spent today in the library catching up with things online and I hope to see a free movie later tonight with Kimm, whom I haven't seen yet. Feeling bad about that, but I did just learn how to use the phone.

Off to get some lunch by myself.
Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: Mourning September - Closer to Closure
25 August 2004 @ 10:32 am
Wow, today is my last day in McKean. It came way too quickly.

On Sunday I went to church again. It was nice. Later in the day I went down to the lake with Tracy and we spent the whole time trying to decide if we wanted to pay five bucks to see Without a Paddle with Patty, Kristin, Craig, Heather, Ben, Ellen, and Cholak. After about an hour and a call from Cholak we decided to go. We saw Jim there with his girlfriend as we were buying tickets. We talked for a bit. The movie wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be; it managed to entertain me a bit.

On Monday I did more packing and then Tracy drove Christy and I out to the Crawford County Fair so that we could watch Cholak show Swayze. I had a lot of fun petting all the animals and I fell in love with this adorable rabbit and Cholak almost had to literally pull me away. Afterwards Tracy stayed at my house for a couple hours and we talked and played with my dog. It was nice.

And then yesterday we went out to the dollar theatre to see the Notebook. The audience was very receptive to the movie and they laughed a lot which really helped me enjoy the movie the second time around. After we went to Eatin' Park as usual and just sat and talked. Then we took a walk to Walmart and then walked back and said some goodbyes. Then Tracy came over again and this time we hung out in my garage so as not to wake my dad. We talked and I gave her a long back rub and she ended up staying an hour longer than she'd planned. I'm going to miss spending time with her and Cholak and Erd.

I leave tomorrow...I can't believe it.
Current Mood: nervousnervous
Current Music: S.H.E. - Read My Mind
21 August 2004 @ 11:38 pm
Last night Erdman and Cholak came over for awhile. We chatted for a bit, but then eventually Erd had to leave and we had to say goodbye, or 'see you later.' Either way it will be a couple months before I will see her in person again. There were no tears until she left, and then Cholak cried for a bit and I almost did. I am going to miss being able to talk to them so much. E-mail and AIM just will not be the same.

I spent today finishing my shopping and doing some packing. I now have just about everything except the stuff in my room packed. I think that's a good start. I will have to crack down soon though. Tonight I went with Kimm and Katie to see Nunsense out at the Riverside Inn. Dinner was included and boy did I eat a lot. It was yummy. The play was very good and I laughed a lot so it made me happy.
Current Mood: deep in thought
Current Music: Brave Saint Saturn - Binary
20 August 2004 @ 12:33 am
Camping was a BLAST!!! Didn't get much sleep Sunday night so I was a little tired Monday morning, but thankfully it didn't take too long to get ready to go. Once we got to camp we quickly set up and then went out for a creek walk. That was a lot of fun, especially for Erd and Cholak as they got to watch Tracy and I being clumsy and tripping all over in the creek. Then we went back to camp for dinner which I cooked with the help of Erdman. Apparently our next door neighbors could hear the two of us arguing over how to properly make macroni and cheese. And to top that off, Erd dropped the pan while she was attempting to empty out the water and we spent dinner picking dirt out of our food. But it was still good. Then we drove up to Bear Caves where Erd made me climb into a lot of small places that didn't make me so happy.

Afterwards we drove for a bit to go find Beth, Kelly, and Katie. We stayed at their cabin for awhile eating and singing while others played guitar. I was in a crappy mood, but the singing did cheer me up for awhile. We then headed back to our camp and almost got lost, but we managed to find our way back. Things were tense as we sat around the camp fire for many reasons. As we were getting ready for bed, Erd was trying to put some stuff away in the van in the driver's seat and it was too big and it made the horn honk. Tracy and I could just not stop laughing. We felt bad for our neighbors because this happened at about two in the morning. After Erdman and Cholak were already asleep, Tracy and I stayed up for a bit because we weren't tired. As we were sitting there Tracy thought she heard Erdman talking for the tent so she shined the flashlight around and we discovered a cute raccoon, which we named Gary, sitting at the edge of the trees watching us. We scared it away and then Tracy drug me off to bed because she got a little freaked out. It was great.

Tuesday was much much better. For one, I was in a great mood. We all woke up a bit late and didn't have much time to get ready before heading off to Thunder Rocks with Beth and the gang, but we had a lot of fun. Cholak had a blast climbing the rocks. Tracy and I were very happy with our feet on the ground, but they did manage to get us up a couple. At one point Tracy walked off on her own and was attempting to climb a rock, but halfway up she decided she couldn't do it and had to call me over to help her down. It was great.

After we had lunch on a rock and then went exploring a bit more. We went up to Bridal Falls where Em and Em decided they were going creek walking in one direction while Tracy and I went in another. It was a lot of fun, but not even five minutes after we serparated, I slipped and fell on a rock. Tracy was laughing so hard at me and so was I. I must have looked real graceful. After we met up again we went back to camp and had dinner and thus began our one on one time with each other. My first chat was with Tracy. Em and Em biked down to the playground for theirs and came back about forty minutes later just as Tracy and I started to talk. So we went on a long long walked around the campground as we talked. It was nice, but it also gave me a lot more to think about. My other chats were not nearly as eventful as mine and Tracy's, but they were wonderful and I just cannot believe how much I am going to miss everyone when I leave.

None of us wanted to go home, but we had to. We helped unpack the van, then Tracy and I went back to my house for some quick showers and cd copying before heading off to get a perm with Erdman. So now my hair is curly, but I'm not sure how long it is going to last. But at least everyone seems to like it. I hope they aren't lying. :D After that Tracy came back to my house and we just talked until it was time to meet for the all night wednesday worship. The whole night was a blast, full of singing, listening, thinking, talking, and crying. It was great. Then Tracy and I stayed up until about 4:30 continuing our chat from the night before. Which already feels like it was forever ago. Wow. But it was really great.

Today was the last book study and while I didn't get around to finishing the book I really enjoyed listening to everything that was said. And before hand Tracy took Erd and I and taught some things about hockey. We discovered that I was just not born to hold a hockey stick. I got to put on Erd's roller blades and I had a blast on those. I had so much fun watching Tracy teach Erdman some things. After book study, Tracy and I joined Cholak, Kelly, Jen and Bryan, and Ashlee for dinner and putt putt which was fun. Then Tracy went over to chat with Erdman and the rest of us went to a movie. We saw the Day after Tomorrow again and I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it home, but by the time I got into the car I was awake again.

This has definitely been a week I will never forget. I just wish I had more time to spend with people.
Current Mood: Sleep deprived
Current Music: Relient K - For the Moments I Feel Faint
15 August 2004 @ 10:15 pm
Last night I went out to Kristen's and Jess's for some last get togethers. It was lots of fun and I was really sorry I didn't bring my camera. I am so going to miss everyone.

Today I spent the day packing for camp. YAY!! And then later I went over and helped Erdman pack the van and such. I can't wait.
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: Relient K - Less Is More
14 August 2004 @ 01:28 am
I went shopping today with Ashlee. I got so many cool clothes for school; I just can't wait to wear them!! After I got home I gave Erdman a call to talk to her and ended up going over to her house for a nice chat where I confirmed that I have dug myself into a hole. Oh well, maybe it's all for the better. I stayed for dinner and in the middle of that Chris called to ask Em to go kayaking. She felt bad about ditching me, but she agreed to go. Once she hung up she got the idea to bring the canoe and Jeff along so I could go too. I had a lot of fun and Tracy even showed up for awhile. It was really awesome kayaking with Chris and I'm glad I went.

After that we met Cholak to see the Stepford Wives which was really freaking, but good. It was interesting. Then we all drove out to Erdman's and Tracy was finally able to hear me sing in the car. It wasn't very good though because I was in a funk and stayed that way all night. I curled up in a blanket and didn't say much as the other three chatted, but it was nice to listen. Still wasn't in a good mood on the way home. I really shouldn't let little stupid things bother me.
Current Mood: grumpygrumpy
Current Music: Rent - Tango Maureen
13 August 2004 @ 02:53 am
So, after book study Tracy and I stood around in the parking lot trying to decide where to eat. We finally picked Subway and drove off....to two different Subways. We were both sitting in the respective parking lots, me laughing at the situation, and Tracy panicing as she tried to figure out where I was. Boy was that a riot. Once we found each other and had dinner, we headed back to her house where I got to meet her parents and most of her pets. Spot is soooo adorable, I really really wanted to take him home with me. He licked me right on the lips, it was so cute. [Pathetic how most of my kisses are from animals, ne?] I love all her pets though. I was in heaven. I never wanted to leave.

After that we retreated back to her room where after awhile we finally started to chat. I told her what has been keeping me up lately and we talked about several things surrounding the subject. It was nice. And then she spent maybe an hour attemping to get out of me the awkward question Cholak asked me. But I firmly held my ground and was able to distract her by asking for a glass of water. :D I'm sorry about that Tracy, I really am. I know you'd understand it and everything, it's just difficult. Hope I'm not frustrating you with it. Thanks for everything though. I had a great time talking with you and maybe now I'll be able to sleep better.

Four days till camping!!!
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Rent - La Vie Boheme
12 August 2004 @ 12:01 am
Got up early again so that I could go with my mum to finish my college shopping. I still have a bit to do, but I am mostly done, which is good. We had fun and even went out to eat breakfast/lunch at Eatin' Park. Then we came home, took and nap, then cleaned house.

After that I was just counting down the hours until I could leave for worship. I had a bunch of nervous energy and really needed to get it out. I had a blast and as soon as it was all finished, Cholak and I snuck away for a much needed talk. That definately helped calm my nerves and seemed to amuse Em. Then I spent the rest of the night in a rather crappy mood and really wanted to leave, but I had to wait for Erd and Erin. All in all, it was not the greatest night ever, but it wasn't bad either.
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Current Music: Wishing it was Rent - I'll Cover You, but I can't find my cd :(
10 August 2004 @ 10:56 pm
I learned something tonight. When going to the lake or any surrounding areas, dress appropriately. I went with Erdman and her mom down to the Pepsi Ampitheater tonight to watch some bands. It was pretty awesome even though I didn't understand everyone as they talked about band. I got really cold though so I used Tracy as a source of warmth and almost fell asleep on her. So thank you Tracy. :D

While we were walking back to the car, I was talking with Erdman about back rubs and I said, "I think I'd rather get one than recieve one. Wait, no. Yes. No, that was wrong...give one." It was funny listening to myself, lol. Erdman and Mallory got a kick out of it.

It's been a long time since I've been home anytime before midnight, lol. It's strange. I don't know what to do with myself. I got home to find that Jon Kern from Footsteps had called me. I wondered for a bit how he came across my phone number, but I called him and he wanted to invite me to a get together at his house. Sounds like it would be fun, but it's during Worship and I'd much rather go to that.
Current Mood: pensivepensive
Current Music: My heart pounding in my ears
10 August 2004 @ 01:59 am
I got up extra early today so that I could go down to the Clarion River with Erdman and her family plus Erin. It was a lot of fun. I was just the tiniest bit disappointed that Erin was there because I really needed to vent to Erdman about some things, but it was still a lot of fun. Erdman, Erin and I started out in the raft as we floated down the river. That water was sooo cold!! And just before we stopped for a small lunch Emily and Jeff took advantage of the deep water and flip Erin and I over into the freezing water. It was terrible, but at least I warmed up quickly. After lunch we three girls claimed the tubes and we comfortably floated along behind the canoe the rest of the way.

At one point Jeff and Mark got into a fight while they were in the raft and Mark refused to continue paddling, so Jeff threw him out. Twice. It really cracked Erin and I up. I really do enjoy hanging with the Erdman family. They are an interesting group. And I brought my digital camera so I have pictures! YAY!

After we got home I went into Erie to drive Erin home and on the way back I finally got to talk to Erdman. It definately helped me, but also made me frustrated to the point that I wanted to hit my head on something. Then Cholak and Tracy joined us at my house for star watching. It was so great to see Cholak finally. I missed her so much! I gave her a bunch of hugs and eventually started crying because of earlier frustration as well as many other things. After awhile everyone but Tracy was crying so I ran in for a box of tissues. Those helped a lot.

I'm really sorry Tracy that you were left out about my thoughts. Some of them are just very complicated and hard to share, especially in groups. It is easier for me with individuals so once you pick a day, I will be good to go. But keep in mind that there are some things that I just can't let go of yet and share with anyone. I'm sorry for all that.
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: Rent - Without You
08 August 2004 @ 10:03 pm
Thursday I spent at Erdman's with Tracy until about three in the morning. I definately had a lot of fun talking with them, even though I didn't say much. At least I'm now in the 'loop'. Then on Friday Tracy and I went down to the lake and just talked. It was a lot of fun, but really really cold. It took me an hour to warm up after spending three hours outside. But it was worth it. Saturday appears to have been my last day at work since I'm not on next week's schedule, but that's all for the better. And today I spent mainly with Tracy. I went to church with her which was actually fun. I really liked the pastor and he actually kept my attention most of the time. And then I stayed after with Tracy and helped with the car wash which was fun as well. I got a little wet, but that's okay; I learned how to wash a car. :D Then I went ice skating for free with Tracy which was a blast until my ankles started to kill. But I really did have fun watching people skate, so no feeling sorry Tracy. Afterwards we went to dinner and then I came home and slept for about four hours or so I think. I had a busy day and it made me sleepy. Thanks for the great times Tracy! :D
Current Mood: soresore
Current Music: Wicked - The Wizard and I
05 August 2004 @ 02:29 am
Wednesday worship was great tonight. I walked in with Jen and Bryan to find so many people there. It was awesome. We all had to go downstairs to fit and we got to sing and then Tracy got to talk. And she did very well. :D After that Erdman, Erin, Kelly, Tracy, Brandon Langill, Steve, Jeff, and I all sat around and talked till about midnight. It was a lot fun. There isn't much to say about it, but it was great. Then we all stood in the parking lot till who knows when just talking. I love hanging out with my friends! :D
Current Mood: lazylazy
Current Music: Wicked - For Good